A Turning Point

Do you want to know when things changed?
I'll tell you.
It was the morning afterwards.
It could have been the same night.
I woke up without remembering sleep, and there you were with your eyes closed.
Me on the bed, you on the floor.
How polite, how disappointing.
You could have been sleeping, I know. But you weren't.
Last night I held you against me
All my excesses bursting out of me and into you.

You're lying there trying to figure out what to do. With me.
I don't know how we ended up here. I liked you.
Did you know that?
You're right, I don't know everything.
I barely know you, but I liked you.
You're attracted to me -it's possible that you do like me.
But we both know I don't fit into what you want.
Funny, I always seem to fit at first.
You've got charisma, and all those other things I wasn't born with.
You can have everything, but you don't even know what you've lost.
You juggle because its easier, tell the truth to relieve yourself
Its close enough to you peeing on me. I hate that.
I could almost hate you.
My hate for other people is strong enough that I could project it to you.

I get up. I'm leaving, but you don't know it yet.
I call your name to be polite. You pretend to be asleep.
You think I care. I could, I'm sure of it, but I already don't.
I'm walking away now, slowly on tip-toes.
I don't want you to hear me leave because its precise.
Its going to be a slow pain for you, and such ease for me.
You won't be able to catch me like this again; all open for you.
Next time I'll smile. I'm an expert evader.
I'll pretend you have no feelings because I want to sleep too.
I hurt you, and other people too.
I feign ignorance for everyone, including myself.
I walk away.
It takes you longer to leave.
Guilt's holding me back.
Its brought me here now.
I'm relieving myself, like you.
I feel sorry that we seem the same.

- Xandele II