Believe in Yourself

*So this was part of a note to a good friend, but it is something that we all need to remember from time to time so I'm including it here.

Its funny how we've both been feeling disillusioned by the way we've been living our lives in the past. It really is all about exercising your creative spirit and using the talents God has given you to make a difference in other people's lives. Being given a talent by God is such a defining thing because it’s like he weaves it into the very soul of who you are so that your life can never be entirely fulfilling unless you're producing with that talent. I have to say that I'm just astounded by how centered I feel whenever I'm writing or painting -same feeling you get when you're in deep prayer, singing a good gospel song like your whole being makes sense, irrespective of what's happening in the world. It’s incredible really... Our talents must be a form of worship and self-realization.

On the weddings topic; I have to say that although I know of people getting engaged, but I don’t have a lot of married friends. Yet anyway. I know what you mean about weddings though; it’s like you're excited and happy for the person getting married, at the same time, you're anxious about whether your time will come. Not that marriage fixes everything, but I suppose we've been socialized to think there's a happily ever after that follows marriages. Even if it’s not always happy, I still like the idea of having a day to day companion that you go through the problems of the world with.

The biggest thing that happened this past week happened on Sunday. I had a friend staying with me through the whole weekend and everyday, we had someone else over that we were chilling with. Nothing big happened really except, that the weekend gave me a lot of time to talk -and suddenly I'm articulating things in my life that I never really thought about and I'm realizing my spirit is a little sad and discouraged. I woke up Sunday feeling down and out; I lay in bed for awhile and finally I got up. I started doubting myself; I started thinking that maybe all the things I've wanted to do with my life has just been me going from one day to the next. Maybe I don't believe in myself -and worse yet, maybe God doesn't believe in me.

So I prayed and I asked God to help me see the difference; to show me that he loved me and believed in the things I want to do with my life. Then I went into the living room and flipped on the tv, and that's when something great happened. I'm not a big tv watcher -I mean I can leave it on for hours but if I expect to make it through any show without falling asleep, I have to channel surf all through. Sunday mornings always means lots of church tv going on, so this Sunday wasn't any different. What was different is what one of the pastors was preaching on following your dreams and he was using himself as an example. There were 4 important things he said everyone should know -but I only tuned in on
3) Don't let people talk you out of your dreams, and
4) Don't talk yourself out of your dreams.
He said the most important person we listen to in our day to day lives is ourselves, so we have to stop doubting ourselves and believe in God and take actions to make our dreams come true.

He said he remembered the first time he had a church. A very tiny church that was basically run by him, his wife and an old lady named Maude. He realized that to understand what it would mean to build a great church of God, he had to talk to great Church leaders across the nation. So he decided to call up great church leaders and offer them a hundred dollars each to answer his questions and pray with him. He said that he remembers sitting his car after each time and just praying over the paper where he wrote their answers and asking God to do to him, what He had done for those others.

It made me think of all the ways I doubt myself and how God is speaking to me through this man and telling me that he needs me to start believing in myself because he believes in me. I get so caught up in work because it’s literally all I do -but it’s not all I have to do and its certainly not all God has called me to do. Every time I allow myself to become immersed in work, a restlessness comes over my spirit and I'm dissatisfied. I become unhappy with my days in the office, working and not being properly compensated or appreciated, not writing or painting. Not doing anything at all and just being satisfied to come home everyday and dwell in my inabilities. I started to think about how I'm allowing the gift of life that God has given me to pass me by -and soon enough I'm going to allow myself to be one of those who were invited but were not chosen because of my own fears and doubts in myself and in God.

Suddenly, I remembered countless times God had to come in and show me how he believed in my abilities and yet there I sat, doubting. I turned on my computer and started writing. I've gotta find a way to make sure I never lose myself because then I'd really have nothing. I've gotta use my talents and so do you! Generation Make it Happen is going to be BIG, and I called it!

Goodluck with your works into this world.

The Analytical Dreamer